When did I choose hope?
My son unintentionally chose to come into this world 10 weeks early. Needless to say shock, fear, confusion flooded my mind and soul. It was too early, my wife was struggling, in pain, and bleeding. Ambulances filled our driveway. Lots of questions, doctors, nurses, medicine, etc…..It was fast, chaotic, fearful, tense, and much more.
For the first 48 plus hours so much happened, so much that could have gone wrong didn’t. But looking back I don’t think that it hit me that it was too soon, too early until I saw him the first time, in the NICU struggling to breathe. We were at a birthing center that had only a Level II NICU and I remember the nurse practitioner and Social Worker telling me all his issues, and their inability to have the sufficient level of care that he needed. They needed to transfer him.
That’s when it hit me for the first time; it’s possible that he might not live.
That’s when I chose to have HOPE. Hope that God would hear my prayers, save my son, give me courage and strength. Hope that my wife and I could get through this. Hope that my son would keep fighting. Hope that all my hopes about having a son wouldn’t end here. That it wouldn’t end now, not like this? I don’t know what I chose before that. I am a person that when adversity strikes, I find a way to get through it. Here I was in a place I had no control. There was absolutely nothing I could have done. But I could and I did have hope.
I choose Hope, because when I look back, that is all I had. That’s the only thing I had any say in, whether or not I chose Hope. Hope is an amazing, mysterious thing and for whatever reason, my son made it. He is seven now. I still Hope, for different things for him now, but I still Hope. I know that for so many parents, they don’t get to know what it’s like to have their child graduate from the NICU. I would like to think that if that was me, somehow, someway I would still choose HOPE.